[ The opportunity had been unexpected, but very welcome. It's true that neither he nor Arthur offer their assistance with any expectation of payment or reward, but an extension of genuine gratitude is not one to be turned down simply to save face or pride. and, truth be told, the thought of getting to spend a few quiet, thoughtful moments with his dear Warrior of Light on a boat moving lazily along a river...well...
He wouldn't have guessed the time and place would be here and now, but life has become a long series of surprises.
Still, despite the idyllic scenery in Living Memory, G'raha Tia found his thoughts drifting towards the existential crisis that lay before them. The futures stolen from so many...and yet, here, the futures of a few were secured in a paradise free of pain and misery. To never know loss...what a concept.
As he descends the steps away from the gondola's platform, G'raha turns so that he can watch his companion fully. To think that he could become so preoccupied in a moment that could have easily been--
--G'raha looks away and clears his throat, the tip of his tail twitching. ]
--My apologies. It seems I was getting ahead of myself, to...burden you with more than you have already been burdened.
[ What was supposed to be a vacation of sorts has very suddenly found itself devoid of moments of rest, so to say the ride along the canals had been unwelcome would be a lie. What's more, Arthur could not have asked for better company, and perhaps with the two of them well and truly alone—
Well, nothing is ever easy, is it? And it is true that they are here to do rather grim work. It is no wonder his companion's thoughts wandered to melancholy places. Arthur can hardly fault him for it.
In response, Arthur can only shake his head a little, offering a small but genuine smile. ]
You've naught to apologize for. I think... when it comes to that sort of thing— [ Wanting to save everyone, wanting to try, only to watch precious lives slip through your fingers. ] —you and I understand each other best, don't we?
[ G'raha can feel his ears perk up again as Arthur starts and, by the Twelve, is he not always so forgiving and understanding? No matter how G'raha so oft fumbles these moments alone. It should be easier when he doesn't have to worry what wandering eyes and prying ears will think, but it's much too easy to get lost in the moment.
...Not that they're anything but moments between two comrades, friends forged through the trials and tribulations of world-saving adventures. What G'raha wants, hidden in the deeper recesses of his heart, hardly matters. He's content with what he has, to be this close after so long. It's why he mentally kicks himself for these sorts of missteps--what if he should turn Arthur away? No, Arthur is much too kind-hearted for that. But he deserves only G'raha's best.
G'raha glances away again, just for a few seconds, as he nods and smiles.
Understand each other best.
It makes his heart sing and weigh heavy at the same time. ]
Would that we had a less sobering foundation to stand on.
[ When he lifts his gaze up to Arthur again, it's more relaxed, even if he's still kicking himself a bit. ]
Yet...I suppose we provided a few joyous moments for our happy couple. That must be worth something.
[ For the pair they had reunited, for however short a time it now will be. ]
[ Arthur turns, eyes following what bit of the canal he can see from his current vantage, and gives another small nod. ]
That we did.
[ It's a bittersweet feeling, knowing that they will only be together again for a short time, but even the souls here seem to realize that which Sphene herself does not: even this life after death is only fleeting. They cannot be here forever.
Nothing lasts forever.
He turns back to look at G'raha, feels that warm fondness welling up in his chest, and realizes quite suddenly that he's been putting this off long enough. The moments they have are precious few, and he would rather spend them full of joy than longing and regret. ]
Ah... G'raha? Might I monopolize you for a few moments more? Before we rejoin the others.
[ G'raha raises his brows, eyes widening just a bit at the request. They shift back and for across Arthur's face as if to discern his motive, though the easiest thing to do is just ask--and he's already overthinking it. As usual. They literally just had a moment alone and he's already jumping to conclusions over another minute or so.
His expression settles and G'raha nods, repositioning so there is just a little less space between them. For...a sense of privacy, of course. ]
Of course.
[ Arthur assured him that he hadn't overstepped, but G'raha can't help but wonder if the topic isn't still weighing heavily on his thoughts. ]
[ Sweet G'raha. Arthur can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears as he tries and fails yet again to be subtle. It's quite endearing, actually, and Arthur's expression warms in response. ]
Not exactly.
[ There is only the matter of things left unsaid. To that end, Arthur offers a hand, which will either clue G'raha in or serve to cause him to short circuit entirely. Mayahp both. ]
[ Graha.exe has stopped responding. Please restart your Allagan Node.
There's a painfully embarrassing pause--substantial in it's weight--as G'raha's eyes fly back and forth between Arthur's own and his outstretched hand. He's...he's definitely making assumptions. Again. ]
I--
[ He cannot refuse. He would never refuse a request from Arthur even if it were to walk right off a bridge. (Some might accuse him of being too ready to do such a thing regardless.) So he doesn't so much swallow his pride but instead tries to shove down the horde of butterflies that have mysteriously grown and hatched in his chest, fluttering around with nonsense and daydreams.
How is it that he could be stalwart and command a burgeoning nation against imminent doom for a century but be completely thrown off by a simple offer from one very specific person? Absolutely embarrassing.
G'raha swallows in earnest and regains some semblance of composure, pulling on years of stoicism to try and keep his heart rate at bay.
Calm yourself. What a fool. ]
--Of course. [ He repeats, feeling a slight cringe at his clear lack of vocabulary. It's a moment where he tests the waters to reach out to Arthur's hand--Twelve, if this is the wrong thing to do, please bury him there and make sure no one can put a regular on his head he'd be done thanks. ]
Arthur's grin hitches a bit wider in clear fondness, watching as G'raha clearly tries to figure out if what he thinks is happening is really happening. To his credit, Arthur has been a great deal more subtle about his feelings, or else G'raha is simply too enamored to realize that those moments Arthur has been caught stealing fleeting glances were not, in fact, products of an overactive imagination.
When the other finally, finally reaches for him, Arthur does not hesitate in curling lacing their fingers together, gentle but with clear intent. Yes, he wants to hold your hand, you silly catboy.
After he's certain that G'raha's legs won't give way beneath him, he begins a slow stride along the canal's edge. ]
Did you know— [ A brief glance over at his companion, to make sure he is indeed listening and not floating off into the stratosphere. ] My mother is married to a hyuran man. My step-father. When I was younger, I found myself vexed by her decision. We viera are so long-lived, surely she was inviting only heartache to give her heart to a man who would one day grow old and die long before she did.
So I asked her about it one day. 'Twas then that she sat me down and told me that which I would carry with me for the rest of my days. Just because something might end does not mean it is not worthwhile. The joy will outweigh the sorrow, always, if you live and love without regrets. So when you ask if I would stay here, in a land without loss, I cannot in good conscience say yes. 'Twould be unfair, I think, to those I hold dear.
[ That is the problem with a century's worth of longing and infatuation--he's primed himself for all the things he wants to see that he doesn't believe them if he does. It makes him somehow less prepared than if he'd never thought about something like this at all.
G'raha is silently grateful his feet seem to know what to do because his brain is several steps behind. He stares are their intertwined fingers as he's easily led along, blinking and trying to clear his vision. He's imagining this, right? Is this some sort of manifested desire thanks to the programming of Living Memory? Surely...
Surely.
Yet as he looks up at Arthur, red eyes open wide with a mix of uncertainty and adoration, he finds something similar, albeit more appropriately subdued, reflected back. ]
...Your mother is a wise woman.
[ He says after some delay, trying to find the strength to speak. For all the times he readily employed them, words seem to be failing him. What Arthur is saying...what he's implying...
G'raha opens his mouth, licks his lips, then closes it again. Stop. Think. ]
And have you done that, my friend? Lived without regrets?
There are a great many things that have been beyond his control, people they could not save. Moments where he knows if he'd been a little faster, a little stronger, a little more sure, things would have turned out differently. Those failings will be with him, always, but they weigh as they should. A burden is not a regret. Not in the way that Arthur lives his life.
It is the things he can control that he wants to be sure he is content with... as content as one can be, anyroad.
And this? Oh, he knows this will make him very happy indeed, and unless G'raha has somehow secretly mastered the art of acting, he can but assume the same will be true of him, too.
He pulls to a stop, using their joined hands to tug G'raha around to face him, an anticipatory sort of glee in the gleam of his eyes, the upward turn of his lips. ]
Oh, how many days, evenings, mornings has he spent in some sort of reverie of just what this could become? Decades believing that the short stint they had in Mor Dhona would nary leave a mark on the history of adventures in Arthur's life. Would he even remember G'raha when the time came? And even if so, would G'raha be worth his time?
To go from then to now feels like another lifetime in and of itself. G'raha has ever been grateful for the closeness they've become, to be a confidant in Arthur's life is a dream come true. To want more beyond that always felt selfish, and yet he couldn't help himself. How could he not see someone like Arthur, watch how he's grown and the man he's become and not feel anything but admiration? Love?
They stop and Arthur turns to face him. G'raha can feel his heart pound in his chest, ear the beat in his head. His lips draw tightly together as his ears flatten in anticipation, tail beginning to swish animatedly behind him. Something is about to happen, isn't it?
"Might I kiss you?"
He just about collapses.
But, thankfully, he doesn't.
Instead, his ears perk up in surprise--excitement, before flattening back against his head. His fingers twitch and he feels suddenly full of energy. This moment that he had been dreaming of. It's here.
Holy shite.
Now would be the perfect opportunity to recite some of the confessions he'd written long ago in his head, tying them up with a bow in an affirmation of the request that G'raha had only been too shy to ask himself time and time again. Instead, what comes out is decidedly more embarrassing. In a desperate half-whisper, he says, ]
[ Gods, he really does wonder if G'raha is about to expire on the spot. His crush on Arthur is more or less an open secret, no matter how subtle he thinks he's being. Arthur had found it endearing if a little... much, at the start, but somewhere in the midst of their adventures, he found himself utterly charmed. Utterly smitten. Utterly and foolishly head over heels for this man in front of him.
So perhaps this isn't the flower confession either of them had envisioned, but for that reaction alone, Arthur would call it perfect. He laughs but once, a bright pop of joy leaving his lips before he leans down to press them to G'raha's own.
It is not exactly chaste, the way he kisses him. There is an eagerness there that he so rarely lets others see. He has wanted this, too. Not nearly half as long, but certainly just as much. His free hand comes up to slip around G'raha's waist, tugging him a bit closer. ]
[ Arthur makes a sound that G'raha couldn't have imagined, but leaves him little time to consider it. (Later, certainly, when they have the time G'raha will go over every minute detail that led up to this and more and work himself up into an embarrassed mess.) For now, he's forced to be in the moment and what a blessing it is.
G'raha can easily count the number of times he's kissed or been kissed on one hand. That likely wouldn't surprise anyone. But this erases any past experience simply because it's Arthur and anything from him would matter the most.
Whatever he might have imagined the taste and feel of Arthur's lips pales wholly in comparison to the reality. His eyes stay open for just a moment, taking in the closeness, counting every freckle that he can catch with his blurred vision, before finally allowing his eyes to fall shut. He sighs, his tail snapping wildly behind him when Arthur pulls him in closer.
This must be a dream! It's certainly my dream...
And what a happy one at that. It's tentative, but he reaches up with his free hand to take hold of Arthur's neck while he pushes up onto his toes to meet his dear friend's lips more fully. ]
[ Oh, this… this is bliss. To say he hadn’t thought about what this moment would feel like would be a lie, but it is better than he might have imagined. G’raha is warm against him, and even if he cannot see it, he can feel the energy of that tail cutting the air behind him.
G’raha sighs against his lips, and it is utter perfection. Arthur smiles against him for a brief moment, but then there is a hand sliding around the back of his neck, and he is all too happy to lean into this even more.
They stay like that for a long, precious moment, lips locked and breath mingling, but as with all things, it can’t last forever. The need to breathe makes itself apparent, and with no small amount of reluctance, Arthur pulls away.
Not far. Gods, he does not want to go far.
His glasses have been knocked a little askew, though he doesn’t seem to notice, or else he simply doesn’t care. The way he smiles is the brightest he’s managed in a long while. ]
You are… that was…
[ For the first time, Arthur’s words have failed him. He laughs again, breathless. ]
[ To think that all his failed attempts to share his true feelings wouldn't be entirely for naught. That no matter how he had replayed the scenarios over and over in his head, it would be Arthur, in all his grace, to be the one to step forward after G'raha broached such a set of depressing topics...and yet.
And yet, it all makes sense. Faced with finality, with weighing the consequences of love and loss. They have taken every step on this journey knowing the risk and going forward specifically because there is so much in this world and in life that is worth enjoying. Experiencing. Protecting.
G'raha would die for Arthur a hundred times over. Arthur knows that already. But to live for him is a welcome treat.
It is indeed with great reluctance he feels their mouths part, but the sharp intake of air he immediately takes shows that it's necessary. His eyes flutter open, cheeks flushed and easily mirroring Arthur's smile--or some semblance of it. But, gods, has he seen Arthur smile like that? It's been some time. And to think that he had anything to do with it just makes the butterflies start their dance all over again.
G'raha swallows, his gaze darting back and forth across every ilm of the Warrior of Light's face. He wants to memorize it all, this close. ]
I would be a poor liar if I said I didn't wish the same...or that I haven't for some time.
[ An admission, finally free in the air between them. (As if it needed to be said!) His hand slides from Arthur's neck to where it meets his shoulder and G'raha licks his lips again, this time as he's trying to gather his thoughts more adequately. ]
...Arthur, in truth there have been--...I've wanted to say something for so long. I tried many times, but the words would eventually fail me. To fully encapsulate how I felt seemed an impossible task. And I was content--nay, overjoyed with our friendship. You are a very special person to me.
[ Oh, Arthur is exceedingly aware of G’raha’s willingness to die for him. If the First did not clue him in, then the events of Ultima Thule certainly did. That one was the hardest, the moment where Arthur nearly pulled him close and kissed him right then, where he nearly begged him not to do this to him.
That would have been unfair to them both. Unfair especially for their comrades who already gave themselves up to pave the way forward. That walk at the edge of the universe had been the most harrowing moments of Arthur’s life. Never again.
He is going to hold fast to this man as hard and as long as he can.
Now is not the time for such thoughts, anyway. This is a happy moment, one that Arthur will keep close in his memory for the rest of his very long life.
His hand comes away from G’raha’s waist so he can finally fix his glasses, not one to let them sit crooked for too long. A short moment later, however, he’s reaching out to caress the side of the miqo’te’s face, thumb tracing the gentle swell of his cheek. ]
Darling G’raha.
[ Fond, and wholly amused. ]
I am afraid you are possessed of all the subtlety of a brick when it comes to your feelings. Perhaps that’s for the best though, hm? How could I not fall in love with someone who loves so fiercely?
[ G'raha had half a mind to adjust Arthur's glasses himself, but he began to wonder if that was too forward. Then that thought felt silly based on what they had just done. (What they might continue to do...?) Overthinking things is truly a skill.
Which, apparently, includes what he believed to be his acting abilities. G'raha's eyes widen, ears rising slightly, bit by bit as the slow realization that mayhaps this entire time Arthur has had at least an inkling of how G'raha actually felt. No...certainly more than that. A "brick", he says.
Embarrassment settles quickly. His gaze darts way, ears flattening back on his head as he tries to stifle a short, nervous laugh. ]
I-I see...
[ He inhales long through his nose. As humbling as this is, it doesn't outweigh the giddiness. An awkward smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he dares to make eye contact again. ]
And here I thought I had been closely guarding a well-kept secret for decades.
[ A small admission for just how long he has been harboring these feelings. ]
Yes, I suppose it is for the best that you would do what I could not. Or that you would be put off by my failed attempts.
[ Decades, is it? That’s flattering, though Arthur knows G’raha has spent a great deal of time in love with the concept of the Warrior of Light. The larger than life hero from tales, with only a brief set of adventures together as the foundation for that infatuation. It never bothered Arthur, such is often his fate as hero of the star. To be a myth, rather than a man.
Now, though, he knows that he’s more than some mythical figure to the man in front of him. He’s Arthur, and that distinction makes all the difference. ]
For whatever it might be worth, you’re not the only one who has found it difficult to say something. I’ve been struggling myself. Not near as long but… since Ultima Thule, at least.
[ The concept, the legend, the icon that held a frail, failing society together in the centuries that followed the Eighth Umbral Calamity. He had built an idea of Arthur in his mind that built upon the basis of their earlier foray into the Crystal Tower all those years prior, morphed into something grander and much more idealistic. With a century to create an idol, the real Arthur had large shoes to fill.
And yet...everything G'raha imagined simply paled in comparison. It was Arthur, not the shining image, but the person that drew him in. Someone real, tangible, who struggled but fought, who doubted but moved forward despite impossible odds. Arthur, whom he could speak with, break bread with. The Warrior of Light would withstand the test of time, but to know Arthur Inkwell was the greatest gift he could have been given.
This wonderful, impossible man before him.
To hear that this selfsame man had harbored any feelings for him from that time is sobering. ]
Ultima Thule... [ Arthur was surely used to carrying the weight of the hope of all, but that had been the greatest test yet. ] Where you faced no greater challenge than that of the end of all things. And yet...the finality of existence--that does echo our current predicament, if on an individual level rather than a cosmic.
[ But he's getting ahead of himself, as he is prone to do. G'raha squeezes Arthur's shoulder. If Arthur had felt the same, then G'raha readily sacrificing himself along with the others was another layer of pressure he hadn't intended. ]
...Was it obvious then what I had been trying to say?
[ His mixed goodbye with promises and hopes of tomorrow? Is that when Arthur knew? ]
I... nearly kissed you right then, if I'm to be honest.
[ It feels a bit silly to admit it now, long ears dipping in a rare show of embarrassment. ]
'Twould not have done either of us any favors at the time.
[ G'raha had to do what he had to do to allow Arthur and the twins to move forward. It was only thanks to Hydaelyn's, Venat's, foresight and the gracious help of Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus that his friends were able to return to his side at all.
A miracle if there ever was one. ]
Still, forgive me for not saying something sooner. I hope we can make up for lost time?
[ G'raha could have a heart attack right now, thank you?? Because he feels like he's about to. The addition of the droop of Arthur's ears is really just too much. It's full of feeling, it's too cute.
Yes, if this were the final moments of his life he could easily die happy. But he would much rather live to see this through.
Even so, G'raha can't fight the flush that finds his cheeks, happy as he is. He shakes his head, moving his hand bravely from Arthur's shoulder to cup his cheek. ]
I am hardly in any position to hold that against you. [ He can make light of his own failed attempts here as well. ] I would like nothing more than that, Arthur Inkwell. You have ever been my dear friend, my inspiration, and my heart.
[ No more dying, G'raha. There is only living, and loving, from this point forward.
He leans into that touch readily, basking in the warmth of skin on skin, in their closeness, and the giddy joy that makes his heartbeat ratchet up its pace.
For the second time in this encounter, Arthur Inkwell's many words fail him. What words could he possibly conjure to explain the bliss of this moment? None seem adequate, so he does the only reasonable thing he can think to do.
He surges forward to crash their lips together again. ]
[ This time G'raha meets Arthur's lips without a moment's hesitation. His thumb presses against Arthur's cheekbone as he angles his mouth, hoping to get as close as possible.
Nevermind that they still stand there in the promenade, the souls of the Endless walking around. A few notice, but most simply smile and move on, likely seeing bits of themselves in the reuniting of lovers. In some ways it is not far off, hard fought for from the edge of eternity. If all the steps have led them to this moment...G'raha Tia would gladly retrace them to their finest detail
He pushes up on his toes once again, his tail swaying happily behind him in wide s-curves. ]
[ Oh, he could kiss this man forever. He might like to try it, if a small giggle from a passing Endless didn’t yank him suddenly back to reality. They’re here for a purpose, and Arthur has no doubt kept the others waiting long enough.
He allows himself a precious few seconds more to taste G’raha’s lips, to breathe in the scent of him, before pulling away at last. ]
We should probably get back.
[ His words come in a breathless murmur, suggesting he’d like nothing more to do anything but. Duty calls, however, and he can’t in good conscience forestall them any longer. With a steadying inhale, Arthur steps away, but his hand remains clasped in G’raha’s. Let the others see. They practically know already. ]
When this is over, I would very much like to take some time. Just the two of us.
[ Twelve, would that they could. To think of all the quiet, secret moments they could have shared up until now feels like an impossible task, but G'raha Tia has become a man determined to live in the present. What ifs and could bes pale in comparison. The now has Arthur right here, right in front of him.
He lets out a long sigh himself when they finally part. G'raha opens his eyes slowly, taking in all that Arthur is before him. His heart says more, but his head knows that the other man is right. ]
Y-Yes...yes, we should.
[ They have responsibilities here, allies to reconvene with. G'raha exhales forcibly through his nose, trying to recenter himself back down to the ground rather than Cloud 9. Which is only so successful when Arthur still holds his hand.
This...this is something he can do now. He can reach out and gently intertwine his fingers with Arthur's rather than simply watch those hands turn pages. Now, he squeezes those fingers and nods, his tail doing that happy little swish behind him any time he's particularly pleased. ]
My time--you have all of it and more, Arthur. I have yet to properly see what Tuliyollal has to offer.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@inklongdry (7.0 spoilers)
He wouldn't have guessed the time and place would be here and now, but life has become a long series of surprises.
Still, despite the idyllic scenery in Living Memory, G'raha Tia found his thoughts drifting towards the existential crisis that lay before them. The futures stolen from so many...and yet, here, the futures of a few were secured in a paradise free of pain and misery. To never know loss...what a concept.
As he descends the steps away from the gondola's platform, G'raha turns so that he can watch his companion fully. To think that he could become so preoccupied in a moment that could have easily been--
--G'raha looks away and clears his throat, the tip of his tail twitching. ]
--My apologies. It seems I was getting ahead of myself, to...burden you with more than you have already been burdened.
no subject
Well, nothing is ever easy, is it? And it is true that they are here to do rather grim work. It is no wonder his companion's thoughts wandered to melancholy places. Arthur can hardly fault him for it.
In response, Arthur can only shake his head a little, offering a small but genuine smile. ]
You've naught to apologize for. I think... when it comes to that sort of thing— [ Wanting to save everyone, wanting to try, only to watch precious lives slip through your fingers. ] —you and I understand each other best, don't we?
no subject
...Not that they're anything but moments between two comrades, friends forged through the trials and tribulations of world-saving adventures. What G'raha wants, hidden in the deeper recesses of his heart, hardly matters. He's content with what he has, to be this close after so long. It's why he mentally kicks himself for these sorts of missteps--what if he should turn Arthur away? No, Arthur is much too kind-hearted for that. But he deserves only G'raha's best.
G'raha glances away again, just for a few seconds, as he nods and smiles.
Understand each other best.
It makes his heart sing and weigh heavy at the same time. ]
Would that we had a less sobering foundation to stand on.
[ When he lifts his gaze up to Arthur again, it's more relaxed, even if he's still kicking himself a bit. ]
Yet...I suppose we provided a few joyous moments for our happy couple. That must be worth something.
[ For the pair they had reunited, for however short a time it now will be. ]
no subject
[ Arthur turns, eyes following what bit of the canal he can see from his current vantage, and gives another small nod. ]
That we did.
[ It's a bittersweet feeling, knowing that they will only be together again for a short time, but even the souls here seem to realize that which Sphene herself does not: even this life after death is only fleeting. They cannot be here forever.
Nothing lasts forever.
He turns back to look at G'raha, feels that warm fondness welling up in his chest, and realizes quite suddenly that he's been putting this off long enough. The moments they have are precious few, and he would rather spend them full of joy than longing and regret. ]
Ah... G'raha? Might I monopolize you for a few moments more? Before we rejoin the others.
no subject
His expression settles and G'raha nods, repositioning so there is just a little less space between them. For...a sense of privacy, of course. ]
Of course.
[ Arthur assured him that he hadn't overstepped, but G'raha can't help but wonder if the topic isn't still weighing heavily on his thoughts. ]
Is aught the matter?
no subject
Not exactly.
[ There is only the matter of things left unsaid. To that end, Arthur offers a hand, which will either clue G'raha in or serve to cause him to short circuit entirely. Mayahp both. ]
Walk with me? I would share something with you.
no subject
There's a painfully embarrassing pause--substantial in it's weight--as G'raha's eyes fly back and forth between Arthur's own and his outstretched hand. He's...he's definitely making assumptions. Again. ]
I--
[ He cannot refuse. He would never refuse a request from Arthur even if it were to walk right off a bridge. (Some might accuse him of being too ready to do such a thing regardless.) So he doesn't so much swallow his pride but instead tries to shove down the horde of butterflies that have mysteriously grown and hatched in his chest, fluttering around with nonsense and daydreams.
How is it that he could be stalwart and command a burgeoning nation against imminent doom for a century but be completely thrown off by a simple offer from one very specific person? Absolutely embarrassing.
G'raha swallows in earnest and regains some semblance of composure, pulling on years of stoicism to try and keep his heart rate at bay.
Calm yourself. What a fool. ]
--Of course. [ He repeats, feeling a slight cringe at his clear lack of vocabulary. It's a moment where he tests the waters to reach out to Arthur's hand--Twelve, if this is the wrong thing to do, please bury him there and make sure no one can put a regular on his head he'd be done thanks. ]
no subject
Arthur's grin hitches a bit wider in clear fondness, watching as G'raha clearly tries to figure out if what he thinks is happening is really happening. To his credit, Arthur has been a great deal more subtle about his feelings, or else G'raha is simply too enamored to realize that those moments Arthur has been caught stealing fleeting glances were not, in fact, products of an overactive imagination.
When the other finally, finally reaches for him, Arthur does not hesitate in curling lacing their fingers together, gentle but with clear intent. Yes, he wants to hold your hand, you silly catboy.
After he's certain that G'raha's legs won't give way beneath him, he begins a slow stride along the canal's edge. ]
Did you know— [ A brief glance over at his companion, to make sure he is indeed listening and not floating off into the stratosphere. ] My mother is married to a hyuran man. My step-father. When I was younger, I found myself vexed by her decision. We viera are so long-lived, surely she was inviting only heartache to give her heart to a man who would one day grow old and die long before she did.
So I asked her about it one day. 'Twas then that she sat me down and told me that which I would carry with me for the rest of my days. Just because something might end does not mean it is not worthwhile. The joy will outweigh the sorrow, always, if you live and love without regrets. So when you ask if I would stay here, in a land without loss, I cannot in good conscience say yes. 'Twould be unfair, I think, to those I hold dear.
no subject
G'raha is silently grateful his feet seem to know what to do because his brain is several steps behind. He stares are their intertwined fingers as he's easily led along, blinking and trying to clear his vision. He's imagining this, right? Is this some sort of manifested desire thanks to the programming of Living Memory? Surely...
Surely.
Yet as he looks up at Arthur, red eyes open wide with a mix of uncertainty and adoration, he finds something similar, albeit more appropriately subdued, reflected back. ]
...Your mother is a wise woman.
[ He says after some delay, trying to find the strength to speak. For all the times he readily employed them, words seem to be failing him. What Arthur is saying...what he's implying...
G'raha opens his mouth, licks his lips, then closes it again. Stop. Think. ]
And have you done that, my friend? Lived without regrets?
[ Loved? ]
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[ Almost.
There are a great many things that have been beyond his control, people they could not save. Moments where he knows if he'd been a little faster, a little stronger, a little more sure, things would have turned out differently. Those failings will be with him, always, but they weigh as they should. A burden is not a regret. Not in the way that Arthur lives his life.
It is the things he can control that he wants to be sure he is content with... as content as one can be, anyroad.
And this? Oh, he knows this will make him very happy indeed, and unless G'raha has somehow secretly mastered the art of acting, he can but assume the same will be true of him, too.
He pulls to a stop, using their joined hands to tug G'raha around to face him, an anticipatory sort of glee in the gleam of his eyes, the upward turn of his lips. ]
Might I kiss you?
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Oh, how many days, evenings, mornings has he spent in some sort of reverie of just what this could become? Decades believing that the short stint they had in Mor Dhona would nary leave a mark on the history of adventures in Arthur's life. Would he even remember G'raha when the time came? And even if so, would G'raha be worth his time?
To go from then to now feels like another lifetime in and of itself. G'raha has ever been grateful for the closeness they've become, to be a confidant in Arthur's life is a dream come true. To want more beyond that always felt selfish, and yet he couldn't help himself. How could he not see someone like Arthur, watch how he's grown and the man he's become and not feel anything but admiration? Love?
They stop and Arthur turns to face him. G'raha can feel his heart pound in his chest, ear the beat in his head. His lips draw tightly together as his ears flatten in anticipation, tail beginning to swish animatedly behind him. Something is about to happen, isn't it?
"Might I kiss you?"
He just about collapses.
But, thankfully, he doesn't.
Instead, his ears perk up in surprise--excitement, before flattening back against his head. His fingers twitch and he feels suddenly full of energy. This moment that he had been dreaming of. It's here.
Holy shite.
Now would be the perfect opportunity to recite some of the confessions he'd written long ago in his head, tying them up with a bow in an affirmation of the request that G'raha had only been too shy to ask himself time and time again. Instead, what comes out is decidedly more embarrassing. In a desperate half-whisper, he says, ]
Yes.
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So perhaps this isn't the flower confession either of them had envisioned, but for that reaction alone, Arthur would call it perfect. He laughs but once, a bright pop of joy leaving his lips before he leans down to press them to G'raha's own.
It is not exactly chaste, the way he kisses him. There is an eagerness there that he so rarely lets others see. He has wanted this, too. Not nearly half as long, but certainly just as much. His free hand comes up to slip around G'raha's waist, tugging him a bit closer. ]
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G'raha can easily count the number of times he's kissed or been kissed on one hand. That likely wouldn't surprise anyone. But this erases any past experience simply because it's Arthur and anything from him would matter the most.
Whatever he might have imagined the taste and feel of Arthur's lips pales wholly in comparison to the reality. His eyes stay open for just a moment, taking in the closeness, counting every freckle that he can catch with his blurred vision, before finally allowing his eyes to fall shut. He sighs, his tail snapping wildly behind him when Arthur pulls him in closer.
This must be a dream! It's certainly my dream...
And what a happy one at that. It's tentative, but he reaches up with his free hand to take hold of Arthur's neck while he pushes up onto his toes to meet his dear friend's lips more fully. ]
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G’raha sighs against his lips, and it is utter perfection. Arthur smiles against him for a brief moment, but then there is a hand sliding around the back of his neck, and he is all too happy to lean into this even more.
They stay like that for a long, precious moment, lips locked and breath mingling, but as with all things, it can’t last forever. The need to breathe makes itself apparent, and with no small amount of reluctance, Arthur pulls away.
Not far. Gods, he does not want to go far.
His glasses have been knocked a little askew, though he doesn’t seem to notice, or else he simply doesn’t care. The way he smiles is the brightest he’s managed in a long while. ]
You are… that was…
[ For the first time, Arthur’s words have failed him. He laughs again, breathless. ]
I would very much like to do that again.
[ And again, and again, and– ]
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And yet, it all makes sense. Faced with finality, with weighing the consequences of love and loss. They have taken every step on this journey knowing the risk and going forward specifically because there is so much in this world and in life that is worth enjoying. Experiencing. Protecting.
G'raha would die for Arthur a hundred times over. Arthur knows that already. But to live for him is a welcome treat.
It is indeed with great reluctance he feels their mouths part, but the sharp intake of air he immediately takes shows that it's necessary. His eyes flutter open, cheeks flushed and easily mirroring Arthur's smile--or some semblance of it. But, gods, has he seen Arthur smile like that? It's been some time. And to think that he had anything to do with it just makes the butterflies start their dance all over again.
G'raha swallows, his gaze darting back and forth across every ilm of the Warrior of Light's face. He wants to memorize it all, this close. ]
I would be a poor liar if I said I didn't wish the same...or that I haven't for some time.
[ An admission, finally free in the air between them. (As if it needed to be said!) His hand slides from Arthur's neck to where it meets his shoulder and G'raha licks his lips again, this time as he's trying to gather his thoughts more adequately. ]
...Arthur, in truth there have been--...I've wanted to say something for so long. I tried many times, but the words would eventually fail me. To fully encapsulate how I felt seemed an impossible task. And I was content--nay, overjoyed with our friendship. You are a very special person to me.
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That would have been unfair to them both. Unfair especially for their comrades who already gave themselves up to pave the way forward. That walk at the edge of the universe had been the most harrowing moments of Arthur’s life. Never again.
He is going to hold fast to this man as hard and as long as he can.
Now is not the time for such thoughts, anyway. This is a happy moment, one that Arthur will keep close in his memory for the rest of his very long life.
His hand comes away from G’raha’s waist so he can finally fix his glasses, not one to let them sit crooked for too long. A short moment later, however, he’s reaching out to caress the side of the miqo’te’s face, thumb tracing the gentle swell of his cheek. ]
Darling G’raha.
[ Fond, and wholly amused. ]
I am afraid you are possessed of all the subtlety of a brick when it comes to your feelings. Perhaps that’s for the best though, hm? How could I not fall in love with someone who loves so fiercely?
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Which, apparently, includes what he believed to be his acting abilities. G'raha's eyes widen, ears rising slightly, bit by bit as the slow realization that mayhaps this entire time Arthur has had at least an inkling of how G'raha actually felt. No...certainly more than that. A "brick", he says.
Embarrassment settles quickly. His gaze darts way, ears flattening back on his head as he tries to stifle a short, nervous laugh. ]
I-I see...
[ He inhales long through his nose. As humbling as this is, it doesn't outweigh the giddiness. An awkward smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he dares to make eye contact again. ]
And here I thought I had been closely guarding a well-kept secret for decades.
[ A small admission for just how long he has been harboring these feelings. ]
Yes, I suppose it is for the best that you would do what I could not. Or that you would be put off by my failed attempts.
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Now, though, he knows that he’s more than some mythical figure to the man in front of him. He’s Arthur, and that distinction makes all the difference. ]
For whatever it might be worth, you’re not the only one who has found it difficult to say something. I’ve been struggling myself. Not near as long but… since Ultima Thule, at least.
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And yet...everything G'raha imagined simply paled in comparison. It was Arthur, not the shining image, but the person that drew him in. Someone real, tangible, who struggled but fought, who doubted but moved forward despite impossible odds. Arthur, whom he could speak with, break bread with. The Warrior of Light would withstand the test of time, but to know Arthur Inkwell was the greatest gift he could have been given.
This wonderful, impossible man before him.
To hear that this selfsame man had harbored any feelings for him from that time is sobering. ]
Ultima Thule... [ Arthur was surely used to carrying the weight of the hope of all, but that had been the greatest test yet. ] Where you faced no greater challenge than that of the end of all things. And yet...the finality of existence--that does echo our current predicament, if on an individual level rather than a cosmic.
[ But he's getting ahead of himself, as he is prone to do. G'raha squeezes Arthur's shoulder. If Arthur had felt the same, then G'raha readily sacrificing himself along with the others was another layer of pressure he hadn't intended. ]
...Was it obvious then what I had been trying to say?
[ His mixed goodbye with promises and hopes of tomorrow? Is that when Arthur knew? ]
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[ It feels a bit silly to admit it now, long ears dipping in a rare show of embarrassment. ]
'Twould not have done either of us any favors at the time.
[ G'raha had to do what he had to do to allow Arthur and the twins to move forward. It was only thanks to Hydaelyn's, Venat's, foresight and the gracious help of Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus that his friends were able to return to his side at all.
A miracle if there ever was one. ]
Still, forgive me for not saying something sooner. I hope we can make up for lost time?
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Yes, if this were the final moments of his life he could easily die happy. But he would much rather live to see this through.
Even so, G'raha can't fight the flush that finds his cheeks, happy as he is. He shakes his head, moving his hand bravely from Arthur's shoulder to cup his cheek. ]
I am hardly in any position to hold that against you. [ He can make light of his own failed attempts here as well. ] I would like nothing more than that, Arthur Inkwell. You have ever been my dear friend, my inspiration, and my heart.
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He leans into that touch readily, basking in the warmth of skin on skin, in their closeness, and the giddy joy that makes his heartbeat ratchet up its pace.
For the second time in this encounter, Arthur Inkwell's many words fail him. What words could he possibly conjure to explain the bliss of this moment? None seem adequate, so he does the only reasonable thing he can think to do.
He surges forward to crash their lips together again. ]
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Nevermind that they still stand there in the promenade, the souls of the Endless walking around. A few notice, but most simply smile and move on, likely seeing bits of themselves in the reuniting of lovers. In some ways it is not far off, hard fought for from the edge of eternity. If all the steps have led them to this moment...G'raha Tia would gladly retrace them to their finest detail
He pushes up on his toes once again, his tail swaying happily behind him in wide s-curves. ]
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He allows himself a precious few seconds more to taste G’raha’s lips, to breathe in the scent of him, before pulling away at last. ]
We should probably get back.
[ His words come in a breathless murmur, suggesting he’d like nothing more to do anything but. Duty calls, however, and he can’t in good conscience forestall them any longer. With a steadying inhale, Arthur steps away, but his hand remains clasped in G’raha’s. Let the others see. They practically know already. ]
When this is over, I would very much like to take some time. Just the two of us.
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He lets out a long sigh himself when they finally part. G'raha opens his eyes slowly, taking in all that Arthur is before him. His heart says more, but his head knows that the other man is right. ]
Y-Yes...yes, we should.
[ They have responsibilities here, allies to reconvene with. G'raha exhales forcibly through his nose, trying to recenter himself back down to the ground rather than Cloud 9. Which is only so successful when Arthur still holds his hand.
This...this is something he can do now. He can reach out and gently intertwine his fingers with Arthur's rather than simply watch those hands turn pages. Now, he squeezes those fingers and nods, his tail doing that happy little swish behind him any time he's particularly pleased. ]
My time--you have all of it and more, Arthur. I have yet to properly see what Tuliyollal has to offer.
[ Could that be...a date? An actual date?
A taco date? ]
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